I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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