We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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