you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
