her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
