I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
