I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
