I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
