what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
