I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Randomize
