I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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