haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
