ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I touched a dick in church today
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
