u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
