My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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