"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
