She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
