Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
