i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
