I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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