I think im going to throw up on grandma
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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