I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
