I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
