When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
