This dress was meant to end up on your floor
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
