It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
