I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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