i just had sex bonerless
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
