im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
