just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
