Yo dont text me then not text me
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
