sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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