If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
