I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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