I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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