This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
