During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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