Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
