Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
