Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
