it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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