I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
