He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize