I am puke
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
