Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My first STD was from a foam party
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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