its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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