Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I party with great urgency now.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
