it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
