Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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