Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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