Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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