Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
