shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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