she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
