it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
