pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
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