WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
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She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
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i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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