I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
