he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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