you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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