4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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