come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
