i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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