Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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