this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
