Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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