The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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