I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize