Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
