So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
