If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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