Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
