It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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