Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
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Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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