He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
