Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The uberlube is also flammable
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
