yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
