a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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